Just Live

A jumble of everything in one

2010-04-06T13:45:00.002-04:00

Hey, Soul Sister - Train

You gave my life direction, a game show love connection we can't deny...

So I should be writing my English Mini Essay right now but I don't want to. I've sort of been looking through people's blogs and realizing that they talk about their stances on issues and everyone loves them. That got me to thinking: is that why no one seems to care for my blog? And then I remembered: Do I care if people care about my blog? I made this just so I could vent whenever I felt like it. No one needs to see this, no one needs to care. I'm not going to bother telling people what i think about abortion. If you want to know, ask me. If you want to know what I think about something, ask me because you'll get a more concise answer than anything I can ever say online.

Anyway. The real reason I started typing this entry was because I was listening to Your Evil Soul by The Spill Canvas. I don't really like the song, and it's one of the only songs by them I can't stand. One of the lines goes like this:

I know you never meant to do everything you put me through.

It's okay, I forgive you.

Just know that when you see me cringe sometimes,

I'm trying to rid the poison from my mind.

I remembered two guys in my life who fit this section of the song, and I realized that I never really forgave them even though I was over their douchebaggery. So I put it as my status on Facebook and decided that was enough for me to stop remembering that I wasted so much time moping over them. I really was a little dipshit just two years ago. I feel like I may have honestly grown up over time and though I'm still a virgin who hasn't even had a boyfriend yet, I feel like I'm more mature than those who have because I have morals and respect for myself.

Time to write that essay.

Nat, out. >:3

February Chills

2010-01-06T18:33:00.002-05:00

To Clear it Up - konkreteWATERMELON

I don't know why, but I saw something strange and different in your eyes, didn't know what I wanted to find...

I have band practice tomorrow and I'm kind of excited. Letiecq wants us to play lots more gigs this year centered around Arlene's Grocery, so we don't have too much time until the next one... Ezair and I managed to work one of our already written songs into a song about New York, which is the theme this year for Battle of the Bands! There will be a music video coming soon (:

I really want to play Desolation Row by Bob Dylan/My Chemical Romance as well as Burnin' for You and Audrey, Start the Revolution. We're going to rock this year so hard you won't even know what's happened.

Nat, out >:3

Epiphany

2010-01-02T21:38:00.002-05:00

Czarne Oczy - Harcerskie Piosenki

A wszystko te czarne oczy, gdybym ja je miał, za te czarne cudne oczęta serce dusze bym dał...

I had the hugest epiphany not ten minutes ago.

All this time I was looking for love and trying to satisfy myself with what was around me. I knew that wasn't any good for me, but I still tried. And against the advice of James, Harris, Alaina and Kostya, I persisted which only shoved me further and further away from my goals. It took the one guy I wasn't searching for to show me that not all men are swine and will tear me down and that there are indeed guys worth my time. I just need to stop looking and let them come to me. I'm sorry I didn't understand this before and I owe the five people mentioned in this blog post so much.

Nat, Out >:3

Zimowisko 2009

2009-12-31T13:00:00.003-05:00

Bieszczadzki Trakt - Harcerstwo

Dorzuc do ognia drzew, w gore niech plynie spiew, wiatr poniesie go wilgotny swiat. Kazdy z nas o tym wie, znowu spotkamy sie... A polaczy nas bieszczadzki trakt...

So I came back from Zimowisko last night, which is a 3-4 day winter camp that Polish Scouts (Harcerki and Harcerze) go on. It touched me in a way no other Harcerstwo related thing has before, which is kind of stunning. When you're freezing your butt off in a cabin with eight other people, it really brings you all together.

I made so many new friends in the past four days and they will defiantely last a lifetime. During the last little traditional ognisko (though it was only a bunch of candles in a circle because it was too cold outside), Patrick Struszczyk got up and said that we really have so many more doors open to us than most people we know. When you ask your friends where they have friends, they'll say somethign along the lines of their neighborhood or school. When you ask us in harcerstwo where our friends are, we can tell you that they're all over the world and scattered around the United States. When you ask your friends what they did for Winter Break, Memorial Break or even over the summer, chances are most of them will say they stayed at home or watched tv or something. When you ask us, we say we went camping out in the woods because we wanted to. We hung out with friends we don't see every day because we're like one big happy family. Wszyscy w harcerstwie to jedna rodzina. Starszy czy mlodszy, chlopak czy dziewczyna.

I really found myself in the past four days. I now realize how much potential I have and that I can do great things for myself if I really put my mind to it. I also realize that the smallest thing can bring so many people together. This was the perfect way to spend the last four days of the year, and even though we were freezing in 0 degree weather, we still survived and had enough fun to tell stories until the next camping trip.

BEST FRIENDS

Patryk Gryczka
Patryk Struszczyk
Michelle Gardyasz
Kasia Kanczewska
Kasia Pogorzelska
Michal Kotapka
Robert Zawol
Ola Furtak
Justyna Kanczewska
Ariel Furtak
Jeremy Struszczyk
Lukasz Struszczyk

CZUWAJ!

Nat, Out >:3

Happy Holidays

2009-12-25T17:18:00.002-05:00

All My Loving - The Beatles

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you, tomorrow I'll miss you, remember I'll always be true...

Merry Christmas to all my avid readers that celebrate it, and happy 10-days-off for everyone else. I was at Pasterka, which is a traditional Polish midnight mass where we celebrate Jesus' birth. It was pretty amazing because 1. I'm very into my culture and 2. It's always fun to actually care about something once a year.

Apart from that, I went to my aunt's for Wieczor Wigilijny, which is where we eat our Christmas dinner on the 24th. It's nice to be around family at special times of the year. And I think this was the first time my Wigilia turned out well, which gives me high hopes for 2010 because whatever happens on Wigilia reflects the new year.

I also have my faith renewed in Christmas Miracles :)

Happy Holidays. Nat, Out >:3

Beacon Fundraiser 2009

2009-12-12T19:09:00.003-05:00

Rebel, Rebel - David Bowie

Rebel, rebel, you tore your dress, rebe;, rebel your face is a mess, rebel, rebel how could they know? HOT TRAMP, iloveyouso.

The fundraiser at my school last night was AMAZING. I can't even begin to explain the amount of love I have for the music program at my school. There's something about it that makes everyone love each other and support each other so much that most boundaries are eliminated. I made so many friends through that program and every time there's an event I bond with someone else. I don't know what it is, but Beacon Music helps you live better in every way. Whether it's a fundraiser to start off the year or Battle of the Bands to end one, I find myself feeling so much better about life and everything around me that it makes me so much healthier mentally.

Really. I love you guys so much.

Nate Bondy's Band (The Monday Band)
Sean Grissom's Band (The Thursday Band)
Ognista Kapusta (SO MUCH LOVE)
Gabe Cummins' Band
Gabe Luce's Band (Vocal Ensemble)
Burnin'
Nate Taylor's Band
Gian's Band (The Phunk)
The Jazz Band
Letiecq's Band
JACKWAXMAX

Procrastination is a Beautiful Thing

2009-12-06T18:21:00.003-05:00

Rooftops - Lostprophets

Standin' on the rooftops, everybody scream your HEART OUT! This is all we got now, everybody scream your HEART OUT!

Shameless Advertisement for anyone who cares: There's a fundraiser for the music program at my school from 6-8ish this coming Friday (11.12.09) and there may be an entrance fee :) Live music and food~!

So here's an update on my leg. I went to the ER on wednesday and they told me to immobilize it and put me on crutches, but the orthopedic the next day told me to move it and stretch it because I had a tight IT band. I have lost all faith in doctors.

Because I'm procrastinating and have been watching Chick Flicks from 12 AM this morning, it's necessary for me to rant about them. I don't care if you hate chick flicks because they give you unrealistic expectations about life. It makes me happy that I can relate to certain characters (Denise Hennessy, P.S. I Love You; Jane, 27 Dresses to name a few). I can see myself in their shoes and completely understand their problems because I have them too.

Kevin: You'd rather focus on other people's Kodak moments than make memories of your own

-27 Dresses

Denise: Oooh, he's delicious isn't he? I'd serve coffee on that ass.

John: Do you have to be so vulgar about men? Like they're pieces of meat?

Denise: I'm sorry, John. I forgot you're sensitive about your flat ass.

John: You know, Denise, that's why you're not married. Women act like men. Then they complain men don't want them.

Denise: Oh, is that why? I thought it was something else. I thought it was because I deserved the best and he's out there. He's just with all the wrong women. And let me be clear: After CENTURIES of men looking at my tits instead of my eyes and pinching my ass instead of shaking my hand, I now have the DIVINE RIGHT to stare at a man's backside with vulgar, cheap appreciation if I want to!

- P.S. I Love You

Those are just a few quotes that really hit me and basically represent who I am in cheesy girl movie form... Now if I can just find myself a Kevin I'll be set ;)

Anyway, I feel like I should start working on my history project... I can't stand when teachers assign journal projects. I don't want to get into the shoes of someone in the 1800's and pretend to be able to write what they thought about certain issues. Sure, I can design the journal but that's not creative enough of a project for me. I need to be able to incorporate art into my projects, even if it's making a decorative border on a posterboard. When teachers assign journal projects, I feel it's because they're too lazy to come up with something cooler. Ms. Fink's newspaper, on the other hand, is a research project I actually like because I care about the book we're reading, whereas I don't give a rat's ass about American History. Grrr...

Nat, Out >:3

Almost December...

2009-11-30T19:03:00.005-05:00

Sugar, We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy

I'm just a notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song...

So it's almost December, as my clever title says. I feel like the first few school months go by so quickly and everything slows down right around Winter Break. Here I am, trying to figure out where the Summer went when Christmas is just around the corner. I've also realized that I don't have time for daily updates, therefore this blog will only be used when I'm procrastinating/bored. Hmm...

So I screwed up my knee about 2 months ago, and since it hasn't gotten better I've scheduled an appointment to the orthopedic. According to the nurse who examined me, she said I may have ruptured a tendon or fractured my knee but I want to know what the actual leg specialist says. I really don't wanna get surgery on my leg right before the holidays...

I really want a dog, so I'm putting links to pictures of ones that suit my family's requirements...

Australian Terrier
Border Terrier
Cairn Terrier
West Highland White Terrier

Nat, Out >:3

Taking a Break

2009-11-13T16:41:00.006-05:00

Your Life and Mine - Just Surrender

'Cause it's alright, nothing can stop us if it feels right and everything's right just for one night,

and you'll go back to your life and I'll go back to mine...

So I've decided that I'm taking a well deserved break from a major aspect of my (and everybody's) life. Things are happening and I'm not ready to welcome these changes and whatnot. Everyone besides me seems to have all this luck and fate is paving their roads with gold. I'm just wondering when my turn will come.

I'm going to be away Saturday and Sunday which will give me some time to get out of New York and have some fun with my other family in ZHP. I just don't want to be left alone with my thoughts. Suffering in silence is not good for me because it just destroys me from the inside.

UPDATE: I'm feeling so much better about everything that happened today.

Harris:

well i will try my all to never fuck you over in any way
and i need people like you too. smack me back into reality and also be an awesome friend

Alaina:

I think just go with the flow and stop looking for someone. You're so young, focus on other things before it.
YOU'RE SO MUCH SMARTER THAN ME SO MUCH
AT LEAST GUYS CAN RESPECT WHO YOU ARE WITHOUT YOU HAVING TO DRESS LIKE A WHORE TO GET THEIR ATTENTION YOU CAN ENVY ALL THOSE 16-YEAR-OLD WHORES NOW, BUT THEY HAVE AS MUCH PERSONALITY AS A BRICK. IN FIFTEEN YEARS WHEN THEY START DETERIORATING, WHAT'S LEFT?

THANK YOU

Ezair Beausoleil
Sophia Matsu
Alaina Halpin
Marta Ziolkowska
Karolina DiStasi
Maria Coca
Harrison Spelman
Garrison Polius
James McNeal
Harris Wagner

Nat, out >:3

Change

2009-11-12T23:23:00.004-05:00

Man In The Mirror - Michael Jackson

I'm gonna make a change for once in my life, it's gonna feel real good

Gonna make a difference...

I've been trying to make some serious changes in my life, but unsupportive people and thinking way too much about things keeps me from achieving my goals. I used to believe that if I set my mind on something, I'd end up doing it. As I got older I realized that I need to actually feel comfortable with myself and my goals before attempting to make those changes. I've got the latter down, but not so much the first one. I lie to myself when I say that I'm completely comfortable with who I am because there are so many things that I want to change, physically and emotionally.

I do have faith, however, that things will change and I will bring myself to fall asleep at night and not have heavy thoughts hanging over my head while I'm dreaming things too abstract to remember when I wake. The irony in this is that as much as I believe that one day I'll get all my plans taken care of, I don't knwo how to go about it and that's what's making me so self-conscious about everything...

Obama may have said "YES WE CAN," but that doesn't really make me feel any more comfortable.

Happy Birthday Harris (:

2009-11-11T20:59:00.003-05:00

There Is No Mathematics to Love and Loss - Anberlin

Have you ever heard a word? Hear me out this time...

So today was my friend's birthday. For the past two weeks we'd been planning the most epic surprise party for him and he was completely clueless until he walked in through the door. I'm really happy with how everything turned out. We spent about three hours sitting around in his living room and having fun. Those are the kind of parties I want to spend time at. Ones where everyone is sober and doesn't need alcohol to rub up against someone else shamelessly...

LOVEBEACON<3

Harris Wagner (Birthday Boy!)
Natalia Popko
Shaquille Nelson
James A. McNeal
Garrison Polius
Luis Gonzalez
Lucio Sanchez
Phil Soto
Tom Mlodozeniec
Demi Diaz
Adrianny Baez
Camilla Tecsy
Clara Duerr

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRIS!

Nat, Out >:3

Hello World

2009-11-10T21:35:00.007-05:00

Audrey, Start The Revolution - Anberlin

If this isn't love, then this is the closest I've ever been...

So I've completely redone my blog in terms of what it's going to be used for and the persona I have set up for the header and whatnot.

As far as things go, I've retired Flare and brought forth The Mad Cat. I was the Cheshire Cat for Halloween this year and for a few days prior to the holiday, I was working with a character named Nyx Preston who happens to wear a hat with cat ears sewed on to it. So naturally I went home, pulled the ears off of a cat pillow and attached them to a raspberry colored knit hat. And voila... My new alter ego. I'm busy with a story involving her and the apocalypse of the world at the moment.

But anyway, I digress. The purpose of this blog is so I can keep a virtual diary/journal and periodically update it so one day I can look back and see how I changed (if at all) and just have a memory of even the smallest details...

NATALIA IN A NUTSHELL

Fifteen years old
Female
I play the guitar and backup sing
konkreteWATERMELON is the greatest band ever
I have a wide taste in music, ranging from old Polish Folk Songs to Rammstein
I like to rant. A lot.

Alright... So I guess that's it for now :]

Nat, Out >:3